Just got back from camping. As I was cleaning the car out,mi found a note that fell between the seat and middle arm rest. The little voice in my head said not to read it, but I did.
It was a note H wrote to OW. It said "don't panic! I took some of my clothes to sort through them. The rest are in the washer- when I'm here I'll just need my work boots. Thank you for being you! I love you!"
BLECH!
1. I knew about the A since December. 2. The note should be several months old- he hasn't driven the truck in a few months. 3. He came and got a bunch of clothes from here in January. Before that he only had a weeks worth of clothing.
I hate that I am trying to analyze the timing of the note. I guess it just upsets me because it's another lie that has come to the surface- it turns my stomach that he had a bunch of clothes at her place and he's telling her he loves her. I am certain the A will not last, but it doesn't make it FEEL better on my end.
I'm usually amazingly intuitive. My intuition has been telling me the A self-destructed and it made their whole circle of friends awkward. He's told me several times his life is horrible and he totally has messed up his life. I'm certain that's not just about me.
I really wish I hadn't seen the note. I was doing so well, and now I can't get it out of my head. I ripped it up and threw it away. I am not going to confront him- there's no point. But I'm angry. Really angry.
WHY? I knew about the A. This is not news to me. I really really want to forgive him. If nothing else, this has shown me I have not forgiven him. Maybe that's the point of it????
So, can someone tell me how to forgive? I've worked on it in IC and have been praying for it for 7 months. How do you do it??????
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
