Barrybran - [Insert Original Thread Title Here]

[Barrybran]

Thanks LFW.

This was the period where I fell over before. At least this things are moving a lot slower and it's a good test for my patience to be able to recognise a feeling and work through it properly rather than letting it linger. It feels that recently I've had a flood of them because of last week so I've had to fight them off a bit.

As for her friends, my wife didn't invite me out, a third party did. That's why I wasn't sure about what to do. I was sitting at home studying and playing games while she was out with her friends. When I went to pick my wife and her friends up, more people got into the car and they told me they were going to an after party and suggested I came. I was up for it but I wasn't sure about it since it was my wife's thing, hence running it by her. If my wife invites me it'll be a no-brainer; go if I want to, stay if I want to stay.

As for the soccer, I'm disappointed that she didn't want to come to my game. At the same time, she doesn't like sport and I don't expect to see her there ever as the games are an hour out of town and one of my new teammates happens to be her first serious boyfriend, something she remarked about when I mentioned playing soccer to get out of the house and meet new people. This guy is married with kids so there are no issues there and being a small town everyone is connected in some way which means I'll run into an ex-boyfriend or two along the way so it's no big deal to me. I grew up in a family who did EVERYTHING together which I understand isn't healthy though it shaped my expectations about family and support. If my wife did something I would love to go and support her and I would like the same in return. I do know my wife though and I genuinely feel it would be a surprise if she watched me play one day.

The ride home - I do feel good about my decision. Putting it like "do what is right" makes me feel better about things. I knew it was the right thing to do at the time; I was unsure because I have had to let go and learn to let her fend for herself when she gets into these situations and usually I'm not around so it's as simple as go to bed and see her when I see her. She didn't have a house key so I had to wake up anyway. It made more sense to me to just go and get her because of how cold it was and how far she and her friend would have had to walk.

Just a bit of journaling to finish:

My wife and I got to bed at 4:30am yesterday and woke at 8am so I knew I was in for a long day. I was supposed to be leaving the house after midday to go to soccer and my wife had plans also. I didn't feel like going but I went anyway and I'm glad I did. I played a full game and it was fun. I'm very unfit but it was fun. I need to prioritise going to the gym again which I've had trouble doing around work, gym opening hours and justifying paying the babysitter.

I managed to get home in one piece and my wife asked about my game which was a pleasant surprise. She has asked about me more recently which was something she stopped doing altogether in the midst of separation. She had been shopping for the kids, showed me what she got, told me about a gift idea for a friend of hers who is having a baby and gave me a gift too of notepad stickers to use to bookmark pages in my uni books. It was only cheap but very thoughtful of her and also something different.

She was still feeling ill from the night before so she stayed in. I read some of my uni book while chatting with her then went into the other room when football started, folding laundry as I watched. My wife asked if I wanted to watch a movie and not being too into the football despite my team playing, I decided I would go back into the room she was in and watch a movie with her. There haven't been too many invites to do things and though the kids spend a fair bit of time with other family, my wife and I don't have a lot of time to spend together alone, and she hasn't expressed much interest in doing things together in the past few months, so I like to spend time with her when she expresses an interest in doing so.

It's back to the grind today as I start work at 6am. My wife has the house to herself which she'll enjoy. I'll see the kids sometime after work and it'll be back to the usual routine tonight, chasing kids and trying to get some more reading done.