[BrightFuture]

Maybe my lighthouse beam wasn't strong enough? But actually no, it is all about them and not about us. I would never claim to be perfect, and have worked on myself, for which I am glad , if not truly grateful!

This! I could say this about myself too. Thanks, Bea.

I'm wondering if the vacation house is good for you? Is it rubbing salt in the wound? Is it your way of maintaining some sort of connection? I know you go for relaxation but, does the good outweigh the bad? Just asking.

Heather, you sound like all of my GFs (except the one at the vacation place) and family, LOL. They keep asking the same question every time I complain of being distressed. Honestly, it is probably correct that I’ve been trying to maintain a connection. Another reason is to keep my presence there to make sure he doesn’t completely take over before we make a legal agreement. I’m still on the mortgage for the condo and it doesn’t look like he is going to refi any time soon. I made it clear to him that if I would give up the condo, I want a legal document ensuring that my son inherits at least half of it. My son is not H’s biological son, so if we D, he will have not right for any inheritance.

Most of the times I really enjoy my time over there, but recently the things started robbing me the wrong way. I don’t want to see H’s stuff there, so I put away some of it when I’m there. I’ve been asking myself this question over and over whether I still want to be there. I’ve been also contemplating to end any R with my friends over there. It is just not that simple. Sometimes I really want to see them. And sometimes it’s like salt on the wound, like you said.

I think I’m going through another phase of grief. Hopefully it will transition to full acceptance that H is really gone.
I’ve got an e-mail from him today with the company file. And I was wrong assuming that he would write anything. He addressed me by name, then said that he received a message that the file was too big, so he is not sure if I received it. Then he tells me where to find this option to send/save the portable file. (So nice of him, like I could not figure it out myself. Is he bragging about his newly discovered ability to do things on the computer without my help?) Then he tells me that if I send him the company bank statements, he will reconcile them. (I was always my job before.) At the end he wrote “Hope all is well” and signed his name.

What a nice guy he’s become… I guess the silence didn’t mean he went back into the hole. Maybe it means that he’s just truly moved on and just using me for the convenience, because he is too lazy to start the legal process. Plus, he knows that he will not be able to refi the condo on his name only. He is just happy with this limbo. Until he meets that “special” woman and she will push him to do the D