My sweet friend, you are always so hard on yourself. Why do you think that is? I can give you my ideas, but, I want to hear them from you.
Here's the thing. You are stuck. Stuck in your life. Stuck in your relationship. Stuck in what you think you want or should have.
While you are stuck, life is still moving forward. Now, sometimes being stuck is a good thing. It gives you time to find your footing. It allows you to figure stuff out.
I have told you many times when the fear of staying put is more than the fear of change, you will do something different.
For some of us, that takes a long time. Doesnt mean that you arent moving forward. It just means you are moving forward at a slower pace.
I know you have trouble with this whole detachment/MLC thing. I mean, really, it doesnt make sense to someone who isnt in crisis. It is craziness.
But I feel that you are allowing him and what he is doing to break away pieces of you. I hate that for you, Nero. Hate it.
You are more than this relationship. Way more. You give him so much power.
Do we all want someone to share life with? Yes. Can we be happy if we dont have that? Yes, I believe we can. Having someone should enhance your life, not define it.
Figure out Nero. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? I dont mean a job. I dont mean being happy. I mean, really and truly get to know who you are.
I know that you are amazing. You are funny and smart and really insightful.
Once you can embrace who you are, you can figure out what you want.
Please dont give him so much power, Nero. He doesnt deserve it.
Try to detach and enjoy your time with him if that is what you choose to do. It doesnt make you less than as long as it is your choice. Not done out of feeling badly about you, but, because you want to.
I want so much for you to see your worth. I want you to know how special you are. Once you really do, you will know what you want. I promise you.
