Heather thank you. I have read in several places lately how high the divorce rates are in families with special children. It is sad. When s was little h and I would talk about how amazing s was and how he accepted every challenge with a laugh and a smile. We said if we could bottle that laugh it could bring peace to the world.
My therapist (who is also a substance abuse counselor) theorizes that s challenges are part of a long list of stressors that send h to the bottle to avoid reality)
I am dreading/terrified of the day h moves out and wants split physical custody.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I think if you get some ducks in a row, you will feel a bit more empowered. You need to have someone document how S is doing right now. NOW is your measure for the future. If S struggles with the visitation, if your H gets his way, then you have something to compare S's behavior to.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And, Julie, your attorney CAN ask that S only sees his dad at your home. That's S's home base. Until, your S agrees to visit him elsewhere, you can ask for home visits. I did.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I had one consultation and she was "well the law says he has as much right as you. "I get that but s needs to be safe. H hides his drinking very wrll. OW didn't even know. Maybe I should get a consultation with someone else as well.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
YES!! I met with three attorneys before choosing. I chose someone with a son on the spectrum himself. He understood and is a fierce protector of kids with special needs.
You have a counselor for S...that's awesome. Take it a day at a time and check out a few more attorneys. Ask around in any parent groups for an attorney who is a champion for special needs kids.
You can do this! :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
julie, it is tough enough as it is the sits with our spouses. I know I too have tough days sometimes with my D16 . My D though is such a gift. so sweet. so genuine. she is the prize! h misses out. we have no set visitation. she may spend an occasional night at his apt.(its been weeks now) she was supposed to stay last tuesday night after a therapy and she said she was too tired to spend the night! she does make excuses sometimes( they are clever!) she will say she can't spend the night because she hasn't seen her brother... honestly, h asking for D to come visit in new city is the first time he has initiated something that would be more than 1 night.
get as much info as you can. We are here for you!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Ughhh.. S and I are heading north to visit my family for a few days. 8 to 10 hour drive usually takes 12. First time I am doing it without h. Ss19 was supposed to come to help with s in car but now he is unable.
S has a history of really acting up in the car. Apparently just with me. H claims he is an angel for him. S has no real understanding of time or distance so "are we there yet" starts as soon as we pull out of driveway. This is followed by screaming, throwing, unbuckling, hitting and pulling my hair.
I have a safety lock for the seat belt. Plan on taking lots of dvds (s can't change on his own so there will be screaming when a DVD ends until I can pull over. Lots of his favorite music downloaded, books food.
I was excited but now dreading this trip. I also feel like h expects me to fail. I know that is mind reading.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Just because he acts out in the car, doesn't make this a fail Julie. Taking your special needs son on a car trip when you know he is difficult in the car is very brave and kind of you. Don't measure the success or failure on something he already struggles with. Your H is being an a$$, you know that. Consider the source here, don't make his opinion the ultimate in child psychology. Lol.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks Heather. I don't want to be in uncharitable to h. He did not say he expected me to fail. It is just my interpretation.
Back when I thought we were a happy couple I used to call h when s was really bad in car. I remember one time standing on the side of the road crying to h while s raged in the car. I didn't expect him to do anything. I just wanted emotional support from someone who I thought loved me and was also the only other person in the world who cared about s as much as I did. When I got home that day he gave me a big hug and let me cry and took over with s for the rest of the night.
After BD he told me that he hated when I called him to "complain" about s and mentioned that particular day as an example of my weakness and inability to "handle" s properly.
Memories like that make me hate him and miss him terribly at the same time. This s@cks.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
