Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

Journaling: H. still seems mopey and isn't talking at all. I haven't engaged him all afternoon, which seems like a step. I showered, dressed nicely, and have even managed to work with a pleasant expression on my face all afternoon.

Reminders to myself:

- don't assume he's upset from MC despite the four days of quiet afterwards - he may well be, but it could be any number of other things

- even if he is upset, you have no control over him - he feels what he feels

- trying to change how he feels in the three days before he leaves is a fool's errand and will only make you miserable

- he needs space to figure things out - that's what this trip is about and it's important, even if it's terrifying for you

- stating your perspective in MC may not have been great DBing and may not have been as validating of H. as you would have liked, but it happened, it was authentic, and not saying it would have meant lying

- pretty much ditto for stating that you were still scared but understood that this was important, and the subsequent crying

- don't assume that this slip is the absolute breaking point, much as you're panicked that it is thanks to the four days of quiet

- GAL - you feel better when you get outside, look good, and take care of yourself, and you're better able to deal with everything that's going on and work on figuring out and implementing 180s