I think you need to be gone........and stay out late enough that she has had time to unload and the kids have had time to rest or unwind from the trip. ( I don't know how far they had to go.) Depending on time she gets in as how late you return to the house. You may even consider going home really late, but whatever you want. Just remember, , whatever her mood, it doesn't sway you from enjoying yourself with the kids (if they are still up when you get in.)
About the in-laws..........I'm sure they mean well. However, if her dad is taking up for you and trying to get her to listen to reason, he could be hurting the cause. It varies, and depending on his personality and relationship with his daughter. It would be best all the way around if the relatives would just stay out of it. But all you can do is not say anything to him about what you are doing (acting indifferent, DBing, etc.) or what you want to see happen or how you feel. B/c he very likely could relay that information to her, not meaning anything but to help, but you can see how that would mess things up for you.
So, you kind of have to play the "neighbor" role with relatives until this is all settled. If her cousin wants to meet with you, and you want to hear what it is he thinks you need to work on......then meet him for coffee somewhere and let him talk. But don't reveal anything to him, either. Just tell him you'll take into consideration what he said. And, being in a public place, you could excuse yourself if needed.
It's hard when the relatives are close. And you may have to tell them that you love them for their concern, and appreciate the prayers and encouragement, but that you may have to step back a bit until this is all over. Just assure them that your feelings for them have not changed, but that it's not really fair to them, her, or you to get them involved in this painful decision you and the W have to make. I think that would be a safe way to state it, but you may know a more tactful way to express it. Of course, some folks don't get the hint very well and keep involving themselves anyway. But that's about all you can do from your end.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
