Alright, I'll take a different tack, MM, You say your SO has a "conscience" and that he would never risk facing his family. Let me tell you something, my W was the the person who was most against D that I have ever known! She would drill into her D's that you just don't get a D, NEVER unless you were being abused. She knows that her entire mother's side of the family think she is VERY wrong for leaving her M. If you had asked me before B-day if my W would ever get a D from me I would have LAUGHED, seriously. I would have been less surprised if on B-day she had told me she was an alien pretending to be human than that she not only wanted a D, but won't even try to make our M work.
You cannot rely on them doing the right thing, ever! Yes, my W can be nice about things. At times she seems concerned about me but only if it doesn't interfere with what SHE wants! This guy has tried to use you for "just" sex. He has ignored you, done whatever he wants when he wants with zero regard for you and your feelings. I have seen from your posts him over and over again NOT do the "right thing". Was it right for him to flirt with the RE agent? Was it right to suggest you two be just "F%$kbuddies"? Was it right for him to make plans to have "fun dates" and not do it? MM, from your own words he has done many, many "wrong" things! MLCers do not HAVE a conscience! Their empathy chip is not working!
If you don't stop trusting that he will do the "right thing" I guarantee you WILL get burned even worse! You aren't getting anywhere with "honey" because he doesn't have a sweet tooth for YOUR honey! When exactly did he do these things for you that you talk about? Was it AFTER B-day? You are still looking so hard for the parts of him that he had before he changed you may be seeing something that's not there!
You are giving him your power every time you get upset about what he says or doesn't say. When he doesn't do what you had hoped and it hurts you. When you offer to help him and he calls you a dog with a bone. Heck, by defending him when we try and show you how he is using you or mistreating you! Yes, you are detaching hoping to 'get" him to see. If you weren't you wouldn't have felt the need to point it out during your last talk! You may not even know it, you may really think you aren't doing it to get him to notice but your words tell a different story. I'm not trying to be mean. It took me a long time to realize that I was detaching to get my W to notice too.
MM, please...don't think you can trust his doing the right thing! You WILL get burned!
