MM, You DON'T get a chance to "clarify" things! You don't get to say your "piece". You don't get to "tell" him anything! Don't you get it? He doesn't hear you and he's not listening! Yes, it [censored]. Yes, he is "wrong". Yes, it hurts because you have invested 20 years together but none of that matters!
What you have been doing hasn't worked and will never work. He will never "hear" you until HE'S ready and he is far from ready and may never be. Stop offering to help him in ANY way. Please, please STOP explaining, clarifying, stating, etc.! It does no good and actually hurts the sitch. I don't care if your position makes 1000 times more sense, even for the "cat".
You need to stop compounding your "mistakes". You know you made a mistake talking about the R. Now, just drop it and let it go, don't try to clarify, it will only make it worse!
Until you take away his power you will never get his respect! MM, at this point you would be better off just quitting and never seeing him. You can't seem to separate business from R and it's killing ANY chance of reconciliation, of any kind. Go to work. Do YOUR job. Talk ONLY about business while there. Go home. Do not call. Do not answer his calls. Live YOUR life, totally separate from him! If he asks about what you are doing outside of work treat him like you would someone you work with only. Do not offer to make his life easier in any way. His stress his HIS to deal with, not yours.
Lastly, do yourself a BIG favor and get the business stuff out of the way. No more delays, no more waiting for this or that. I don't see how waiting to see if the RE deal gets done or not affects how much of the business belongs to you or him. So he's stressed and busy, so what? This is more important to YOU then him and he has no right to put anything before getting that done and finalized. If you let him delay any more and you may find yourself without a SO or any part of the business!
Whoever he was before he no longer is now. He is a selfish jerk. He is self centered and cares NOTHING about what's best for YOU. He only cares about him and you had better get your ducks in a row and protect yourself NOW! There are stories all over this site about spouses who have kids that they no longer care about! S's that no longer care about people who they have been married to for 30 years. S's who do awful things that not only hurt their H/W but their young children in ways that they will never be able to fix. He doesn't care about you at all right now! He may never care about you again. If MLCers can drop their own kids, their flesh and blood (after being "great" mom's or dad"s for many years) just think how easy it is for them to drop a SO from their life. Treat you like crap and not care at all about you. Stop waiting and hoping for the old SO to show back up. If it ever happens it will take a long time and won't happen at all until you drop the rope, GAL of your own and let him be. If he destroys his own life, so be it! Don't let him destroy your's as well!
I know you're "trying". I know you think you are making "progress" but every time you end up going back to giving him all the power! It only takes one wrong talk to negate weeks of "progress" when that "progress" isn't really the kind you want. You are still detaching to "get" him to see you and want you again. You need to stop doing ANYTHING for him. You need to do it for YOU!!
