Thanks for stopping by and your insight. It's helpful, and of course interesting!
First off, the FT is for coparenting, not reconciliation. She was doing some IC, but I believe she has stopped. I would love her to continue, but she needs to do that on her own will. She is concerned about finances, and doesn't really want to spend the money.
With respect to how I am acting, I am acting cordial and courteous for the kids, but that is it. Trying to be the pleasant neighbour who doesn't care what she is doing. I have responded to texts regarding the kids in a timely fashion, and resisted when she has provided more. This is very hard.
I agree with you Sandi, I just told her how our relationship would be if the OM is still in her life, and after she flipped out, she told me he would be in some capacity, and then she changes her behavior. I need to be consistent. It's a battle, as I want to show the man I have become, and part of that is showing my strength at maintaining my boundaries. My improved communication skills, my internal reflection, and my ability to actively listen are also other attributes I know would help a new R, but that's not happening right now. I'm not going to expect anything, continue to be extremely cautious, and really keep moving forward. Not rushing into a D is better for me anyways. If she is conflicted, which I doubt she is, she's going to have to work that out herself.
Mind reading here Sandi, but I think she is pretty similar to you where you were at when you said you had no interest in M. However, the difference is you felt staying M was the right thing to do. My W does not feel that way, and I think she is very scared that nothing would be different if she came back, and also that she would never be forgiven. I haven't addressed that again, as early on I said I could move past that, and forgive. It just hasn't had to come up.
I will meet with her to hear what she has to say, but going from there, I don't plan on having her be a part of our vacation unless the OM is out of the picture completely. I don't see that happening. It's a cautionary time for sure.
