New here - frozen in should I stay or should I go?

[labug]

I guess I just don't understand how someone can love someone and not hear them for so long?

This is sadly very, very common. Typically we don't hear because we are using different languages. If you have read either "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", or "The Five Love Languages", you'll get this immediately.

My W has told me how she tried to tell me she was unhappy, and looking back now, and having read the books, and knowing now that she was trying to get my attention, I see it. At the time though, I had no idea, because what she said was not what I heard. And so the resentment built and built.

In fact, that is probably common with all LBS here, especially the men - we wish you had just shouted plain English words in our faces, instead of trying subtle hints. Men really are simple.

And though I hope never to make the same mistake again, my W is probably thinking like you - How could he not have known? and it may be too late for her to ever let it go.

Great insight, zew. We expect everyone to think and communicate just like we do. When we can let go of that expectation and give some space, both people benefit.