So H and I ended up talking again about the NC/work sitch. It started out tense but he ended up suggesting ‘I can tell her to not ever call me directly and have her contact someone on my staff’. I was like ‘you would do that?’ He’s like ‘yes, I don’t want to have to quit my job but I can tell her to never contact me directly again and if she ever does I will let you know immediately’. I said ‘Ok, that helps a lot but how I can verify this?’ He said he can see if he can get work phone records. He said there wasn’t much he could do if someone invites her to a meeting he is attending. I tend to agree, but am less concerned about this type of situation since she is long distance and it would be a conference call with others on the phone. He wouldn’t actually see or directly interact with her.
We decided to keep it relatively short since these convos are so tough and agreed to discuss the rest of the transparency plan sometime late next week. I said ‘when are we going to do something fun again?’ He mentioned the concert on Saturday and asked if I still wanted to go, I said yes. He said he was a little anxious because he did not want ‘something to happen’. It’s clear that he is watching my emotional reactions VERY closely. I think I’m realizing that it’s not JUST my anger that bothers him but being overly emotional reactive in general. I explained to him that something I am working on (which I’m sure is not at all apparent here since I let it all hang out when I post!) is setting some of my strong emotions aside, especially about the affair, and just having fun with him. I said I did not want it to rule and taint all our time together and a really important part of our healing is just having fun because we had really lost that pre-A. I said I felt confident I could table it for the concert. I think he’s skeptical but I’m determined to prove him wrong!!!
Need to do some more shopping! Oh, and Wonka, I think it was you who suggested perfume. I am actually NOT a perfume wearer but brought some body spray and H has commented MULTIPLE times how good I smell. Any other suggestions, especially for the concert, please share!
MrBond, you will be very pleased to hear that I got a referral for an IC and will be calling for an appointment tomorrow. Realizing that I need to learn to manage my emotional reactions in general made me finally tip over to yeah, I need some face-to-face professional guidance on this one. H is actually going to see an IC too, he wants to understand better why he chose to have an A and work on speaking up when he’s unhappy about something. That’s been a big issue in our R as well as in other aspects of his life.
So I think we are getting back on track again. We may even meet up tomorrow afternoon in addition to Saturday, a little walk on the beach or something.
