Just thinking out loud, I was just talking to a really good friend, and we were talking about when h and I first got together, he effectively 'rescued' me, thinking that h likes to be the proverbial knight in sshining Armour, I also know that with the ow, they validated him, told him he was a great guy, funny etc, lots of stuff I stopped doing. So maybe the key with h is a little bit of vulnerability? Not needy or clingy, but accept his help with the bills, and him wanting to help move me and the boys into a new house? I have to go round there later to drop off some tax stuff so I'm writing myself a script of what I want to say, so i don't stumble or fall into my usual negative speaking, any advice?
So I went to h place to drop the tax stuff and said that I would like to take up his offer to help with the bills and to help me look for a house for the boys and I to move into. I told him that I'm realising that when I get a whole heap of information coming at me at once, and it becomes to much, I need to go away and think about it, he was quite ok with this, we had a bit more general chit chat, our eldest son was still awake and he was relaxed for the first time in a while, I think he could see that mum and dad were relaxed. H actually sat on the couch next to me for the first time in weeks (small step) we put son into bed, he is scared of the dark and I made him laugh by telling him I would get huge photo of mummy making a silly face, he said he would like a photo of all of us as a family, H was just there so said to son that I thought that would be something that mummy and daddy could talk about. I left not long after that, relaxed and said I'd be there in the morning to watch the boys. He's texted a few times about tax stuff and then rang to talk about the same, kept it light, asked him what he thought the right thing to do would be. All in all a positive end to an average day
I spent the day at h house, being with the boys while h was at work. Tonight was family night and I had mistakenly thought we weren't doing it this week because we celebrated h bday Monday, so I had organised to go out with friends instead. Anyway talking to h last night he mentioned that he was cooking one of my favorite roasts, I said that the boys would really enjoy that, he said no it was for family night, and it was at that point I thought I can't tell him I made other plans, I did tell him I would have to leave a little early. It was thoughtful of him to think of a meal I would enjoy, and he also bought me a bottle oof the only alcohol I actually drink, it was a nice thing to do. I left to meet my friends, thanked him for a lovely dinner, I wanted to hug him but I thought best not to push my luck. Needless to say I'm feeling stuffed right now because I ate a second dinner because I didn't want to let down my friends!! Oh well, I do have a fair bit of weight to put back on! I think I'm doing OK considering I don't have my db or Dr books yet, I set a small goal of getting h to text me each night to say goodnight, like we're doing up until two weeks ago, Idk if this is too ambitious and I'm not even sure how I would get h to do this, any input from the experts would be greatly appreciated
Db and Dr arrived this morning, I've read db and am now onto Dr, 8 have a feeling I will be re reading constantly! Especially the parts on goal setting, I get the idea but I'm not sure how to implement. My first small goal is to get h to ask for me a hot chocolate once a week. Sounds easy enough, but the actual how is the problem, though even as I write that, keeping up the light conversation when we do talk and no pressure is probably the way to go about it. I heard h genuinely laugh today, god it sounded good, made me smile for at least an hour Back to Dr book, wow the bit on what you argue about on a regular basis was a real eye opener, it is nearly always about h going out and me not wanting him too, and ouch it hurts when you really look at your behavior! Nice to see that I can really see it it now. And now to move forward and take action...
had a good day today, had reiki this morning, feeling more balanced, less agitated. I spoke to h this morning, said since its the last Friday night of the school holidays, he should use the movie tickets we gave him for his birthday and take eldest son to see transformers, he agreed, and they've gone about an hour ago, h was here for about an hour or so before they left, nothing major, he looked reasonably relaxed(which is good) he had borrowed my laptop the other day to do his tax, he brought the laptop back tonight, I'm just a little worried because although I logged out of here, it was still in my history log, and I'm pretty sure h may have looked through my history, what do I do now? do I ask if he's looked through it, or I just keep on like he hasn't? and if he has looked through my posts, he'll know what I'm doing. I've changed my password, so that's sorted. h has to come back really late tonight to drop off eldest son, and I am going to try my very best 180 and say goodnight and tell him to go home instead of trying to engage him in conversation, and getting him to stay. h literally just sent a pic of him and son waiting to go into the movie, very sweet, I just sent a text back ':) have a fantastic night guys, enjoy...' hoping they have an absolute ball, first time for gold class movie for both of them.
h is off to the city tomorrow to watch the football, trying not to think about the fact that he's staying at a hotel in the city, its none of my business, I will keep telling myself this.
sorry to hear of your sitch - yes, db and dr are great helps - set your laptop to store no history if this is still an issue - don't ask if he looked through it - it won't help anyone -
Struggling a little this morning, I know h is off to Melbourne for a couple of days, and staying at a hotel, he's watching the footy tomorrow afternoon, which leaves tonight. I haven't asked who he's going with or who he's meeting, normally I would have asked 50 thousand questions and still wouldn't be satisfied with the answers. I have clients this morning, and the boys are home, so this keeps me pretty occupied, it's just those moments when you picture what they're doing...just thought about the big red stop sign!!! Must visualize this A LOT!
