My H has always questioned our D's diagnosis of Asperger's. His claim is that I made it up so I could stay home and avoid work.
It's hard when you have to be an advocate for your child against the other parent.
I'm not sure I have any great advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.
We saw a psychologist who specialized in children on the spectrum. She said she saw it all the time. Couples at odds over their children with special needs.
She compared it to a seesaw. Imagine you and your husband started out in the center of the seesaw. You probably noticed something going on with your son first and said...something to the effect of..."Something isn't right." He probably responded, "He's fine. You worry too much." You scoot away from each on the seesaw.
Next, you become more adamant, "Something is definitely wrong." He probably became even more adamant, "He is fine."
Slowly, the space between you grew. Eventually, you have two parents passionate about being right.
Sadly, when we received this analogy, OW was already in the picture and Smokey was back to partying hard. It really rang true, though, and I wish we had had some guidance like that earlier.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
