This week has been tough. I've been house sitting for my boss/friend. I miss being in my own place! My boss and his wife are VERY particular about things and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in their home. I'm sleeping on an air mattress in their front room and that has done nothing for my sleeping schedule. Ha!
W texted me on Monday about a few things for the kids and so say that she had overdrawn her account. I'm the constant go to when things go wrong in her life. Texted a few times to let me know she was going to be sending something to the kids while they are at her mom's. Kept all my replies positive and short. She sent a text that felt like she was ending the conversation so I didn't reply back. My usual MO has been to send something back after that point and in retrospect, it just seemed...well, weak.
I initiated contact with W on Tuesday later in the day to ask about a book. We have been watching Game of Thrones together when she would come up on the weekends and she likes fantasy books. There is a book series that she has read since we first met, but I've never been interested in it in the past. After Game of Thrones, I thought I might give it a try. Asked her if she had the books with her. I was pretty sure they were still here (she's been storing her stuff in the garage since the time she was evicted from her apartment), but didn't want to look unless I had permission first. She told me what box they would probably be in and we had a little text conversation about the books. She ended by saying that she needed to go to bed (it was late) but that she hoped I enjoyed it and to have a good night.
No contact yesterday and hadn't any today until she texted me in the middle of writing this to ask about a video file I had sent her on Monday that she was having trouble opening.
It's hard not to get discouraged sometimes. It's been over a year and while there have been definite improvements in terms of her attitude toward me, it's hard not to wish for more. As much as it would be fantastic for her to walk in one day and have things back to normal, I know that won't happen. I don't want things to be the way they used to be. The way they used to be ended in a place where neither of us were happy. It would just be nice to start again, this time with the knowledge that I've gained over the past year, and take it slow.
Anyway, sorry for the venting. I'm really missing my kids and sometimes Two-Face takes over my brain. I need to send up the signal to have my inner Batman come put a little hurting on him. The upside to this week has been that I've had time to work on a freelance project and a personal project that I've been putting off for way too long now. Getting back into a regular workout schedule again and moving me a step closer to getting my Captain America body.
M:35 W:31 S: 9 D: 5 M: 11.5 yrs BD: 5/13 W moved out: 7/13
