Something else eating at me a bit. I've never fought for anything for myself in life before. Now I just want to fight for this the whole way. Yes I want to give up, it's the easy way, the way I've always took, but now there is no way I will ever give up, but it's hard to try and wrap my mind around letting go to keep fighting. It's like I am fighting myself to just keep reaching out to her, and getting shot down, time and again. The failure doesn't bother me right now so much as the pain inside. How to handle knowing you just threw away the best thing you have ever had, because you were not doing things the right way. Yes she had a part, but I can't fail again. Life is to short to want something so badly but it be just out if reach. So now to stand back and just watch it get further and further away. My guts are dancing a jig right now!!!
