Trying to find my way

[pilot]

I've been thinking about what I should be trying with H. I don't know that I want to give the impression of moving on, particularly given my significant contribution to this mess, but showing a better person who is more empathetic, happier, and less focused on him meeting my needs will hopefully be a good start. I think some more space for him to figure these things out would also be of benefit.

Your H is in an EA...whether or not he wants to admit it. Remember, you both met online, you more than anyone know his 'online persona'. You also know that online relationships always appear more perfect than they ever will be offline. While I am not trying to discourage you, you need to be ready to accept the reality of an ongoing EA. Which means he is NOT looking to you for at least his emotional needs, and very likely from what you have said, his physical needs either. In other words, he is in the 'fog' as they call it. You cannot do or say anything to get him out. He is going to have to walk this journey by himself. Now you have choices. You can chose to stand by his side and enable him. Or you can back off, give him the space he wants, and let him see for himself what he is getting himself into. And what he is getting himself into cannot include you.

Now I know I talked about initiating physical interactions and all. That still holds true IF you are at that point in your DB efforts. I am not certain you are or if you are not. Only you know. But if he is continuing his online activity with this 18 year old, odds are you are not going to be on his mind at all UNLESS he thinks he is losing you. Right now, he is cake eating. He gets the 18 year old AND the comfort of knowing you are there if anything should go wrong with the 18 year old. You are Plan B. You need to always consider yourself only a Plan A kinda gal.

Make sense?