GoatGal - I am still around. I am having a hard time with him and the kids. I have asked to pre-plan when he wants them but as most things - there is no comprehension or follow through with that. He will just text and say he is getting them for dinner. He used to be somewhat nice and "ask" but last time he told me what he was going to do and i said - no - we had plans with other family members then (<48 hrs. notice) and suggested another night. I could tell by the language of his text he was angry - oh well. IMO he is in the state of going between depression and anger (though i know they are interwoven). I think perhaps he senses a little loss of control hence the stating vs. asking. I told him that our youngest D was going out with a friend this w/e -- just a as a courtesy and he replied - I will think about that - it wasn't a question - it was a statement. I didn't respond. He seems to get mad when he doesn't know what his kids plans are - I'm sorry but once you're gone some things go with that in my opinion. I am trying really hard to detach but i find myself just ignoring - he tried to make some conversation the other night - just objective things - when i picked up my D but I just couldn't stand it so i rushed around to get away ASAP. I guess that is just my coping mechanism right now. He took them out for ice cream last night and i was on the porch when he came back - i wasn't there when he picked them up - i was out having a great time with some girlfriends - a nice dinner - anyway- i was still dressed well - he didn't say anything but looked and waved - it is all so strange. (my mom was there too though and that is rough to say the least - she is full of anger) I find myself angrier these days and just wanting nothing to do with him. He stays away when my mom is there - otherwise it seems he makes excuses to stop by the house.

Matt- -I thought i answered your questions earlier but perhaps not - he never gave me any reason - even when i asked for some reason our 18 year marriage is coming to an end he just looked at me. Prior to BD he did say that the stress in the house was too much and that he can't take it when i yell at the kids - ok - there are 3 of them and I do that sometimes - or did - i have worked on myself since Feb. and managed to control that A LOT. He has had life stresses - his job is very stressful and he didn't get a promotion he wanted, got a new boss who he said is a "micro-manager" and was talking about wanting to get away from him a while ago, he had minor surgery in the fall (when they were giving him anesthesia he fought it and said he didn't like feeling vulnerable - I think it will take him a while to get out of the tunnel - this is a man with a lot of issues to work through), and then i had to put the family dog to sleep in Feb. HE never showed emotion toward that dog but apparently it affected him as he mentioned to me afterwards that he didn't know how i did it - he couldn't have done that.
Anyway - any pointers for detachment would be great - i am trying to meditate, reading inspirational things, reading my bible, talking to old friends, going out more - basically working on GAL which i realize I have ignored my inner self for a while - too busy being career woman and mother - i know i slacked on the wife side - figuring that could come last and here I am. I am starting to question why I would even want him back though. Does everyone go through this????

Blessings and prayers to all to get through this ourselves and be better, stronger.