I advise people to ask themselves this question throughout the DB process:
Will this action bring me closer to the goal?
To me, the letter you're wanting to send to H, will not accomplish that goal. In fact, it will turn him off and set yourself & the M back in a big way.
Your H is:
-spending more time with you -making plans with you -attending events with YOU -said he want to "do whatever it takes" to make the M work
Now to the XOW at work. I've seen situations where the WAS move to a different departments, buildings or units. From a practical standpoint, I am not sure if H is able to do those things due to his position in the company.
Focus on the big picture. The XOW works in another place as you say here. They come only for projects that involve other people. Doesn't mean that the affair is still going on. I believe that H is in a grit and bear situation here that he has no control over.
It is all about your fears and that fearful thinking has caused you to write the letter as a way to regain some semblance of control over the M. Not good.
Trust. But trust and verify.
I think it would be a good time to discuss your triggers with H about the XOW to make him aware of how it affects you. This will give him an opportunity to step up and take some actions to reassure YOU that he's protecting you and the M.
You just don't know until you give him the opportunity to do so.
