mdu, I think you are being really unfair with your husband.
"More of the same" ??? Really? Have all of his efforts counted for NOTHING with you?
This is why I'm in favor of CLEAR no-contact & transparency plans, openly communicated and clearly understood by both betrayed spouse and wayward spouse. You guys never did that, and you can SAY that "he clearly knows I needed no contact!" or whatever, but the fact is that you guys left this issue unbuttoned-up.
I'm NOT saying that reconciliation can work if he continues to have contact with her -- I believe that it almost certainly can't -- and I'm not even saying he's not being totally insensitive to your feelings (he is), or that he's not underestimating how much he's playing with fire (he is!).
But I wouldn't start painting any ultimatums about a subject left so tenuous.
