#33: HOLDING my ground... my self value

[makingmagic]

Hi Ken,

Tx for your posts. I can understand what you are suggesting... "IF" I didn't work with him every day.... 3 weeks is a very good start & it was HIM who mentioned he noticed. It is the beginning of a real change. I have & continue to drop the rope.

Yes, I understand just how far off... he is.

Hi Sandi,

I am beating myself up this morning... going over what you said:

Have you not been rejected enough? You put yourself out there for him to do it to you. That is not self value! You cheapen yourself every time you enter into one of these discussions with him, and it pushes you back to square one all over again.....b/c you've let him know you how you feel.

Did I backslide? I didn't start the R convo.... it graduated into one when he was expressing his stress & the toll caring for his mom was having on him. This is when I spoke & said "I thought we had prepared our lives to do this stuff together"... Then he turned it into more of the same convo of ... he doesn't know what he wants, he still has feelings for me, wants to help, but we argue, he doesn't want that, etc. Knows he wants to be back in a living/committed relationship again.. just not in that house. He doesn't know if its with me. He is not saying "NO" He is not against reconciliation (his words). I stated that I had given up 3 weeks ago. I kept trying to make my point but found myself listening to "his" dreams/desires for the future of the business. How he "sees" it to be a family run operation & some fun too. I listened. Not once did I ask "can we get back now", but did ask him what he wants... more "i dunno". I did state my disappointment that he did not appreciate MY offer of working on us 3 weeks ago & that all he would have had to say 3 weeks ago was "Yes, lets work on it"...this lead to more "I'm not ready & I dunno" comments. He may have even said sorry. I can't recall. He feels that I have had the time to learn & grow & had counselling and a social life, where he has not. I asked if he wants to see my councillor, he said "no, I think some time spent on my seadoo, is what I need" (suggesting carefree fun... time away from work & mom).

So Sandi, would you say that he rejected me again or was he just being truthful of his confusion/anxiety/feelings?. He is suggesting that he can only do one thing at a time.

His priorities:

#1) secure business location,

#2) finalize deal with MM (yes... he said he wants to finalize this)
does not want to mix finance with personal/reconcilliation for 2 reasons ...
1) fears others opinions (family/friends) would assume he was trying to sway
my decisions
2) fears that battling out our finances while dating would cause stress & arguments & wonders how we could do both? We are 80% finalized.
^^^^^ can someone explain this to me? is he just suggesting that he doesn't want this hanging over his head any longer? that it can finally be put to rest. Or am I missing a hidden agenda from a person who has proven to be selfish. I just don't want to bury my head in the sand here.

#3) Relax & have fun

#4) see where things are with MM.