Hey Pilot. Sorry, I just saw you flag me down on another post. I have gotten a little behind the last few days. I scanned through this thread to get a review. I'm not clear about the plans for relocating, and it doesn't sound like you are either. Has she implied she would be moving to live "with" you, or just living with the kids in the same area? But then she says something about looking at schools near her parents, right?
Since she has not clarified the status of her A, I would move with caution. Especially since she dropped this about possibly living near her folks. She seems to be warming toward you, and this could be a positive.....but be on guard. There is much that needs to be resolved, yet. This is a fragile period when the WAW begins to show more friendliness.
By her kind of taking over the face time and turn in on herself, and the sudden increase of texting, etc., I tend to think she really misses you being there as her friend. So many LBH's mistake this gesture as her wanting to reconcile the M. She may want to only reconcile the friendship! So, proceed with extreme caution.
I suggest you continue to wait on her to initiate the contacts, unless of course, there is something important regarding the kids. I also think it would be wise to be a little less available. Like when you are out to dinner, etc., you could turn off your phone. It is a balancing act between being nice/ tolerating and indifference. You don't want to come across as cold & mean-spirited, but you cannot afford to pursue her or get gushy over her contacts. If you start initiating a bunch of contacts, she'll get disinterested and withdraw. You cannot pressure her with too much of "you", know what I mean? She has to be the one to really "work" and "run" her a$$ off to catch you this second time around.
Don't make it too easy by trying to "help" her catch you. Yeah, you can leave the road paved smooth by not placing a lot of barriers there, but she still needs to be the one to travel down the road to get you! A WAW who's had an A, would like to avoid conversations around OM/A, or see a MC, or anything unpleasant for her.....and just pick up with the M and continue on. I don't advise any couple to do that. Have a plan and an agreement in place....before you ever agree to live under the same roof with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
