Trying to find my way

[pilot]

Again, if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask if there’s anything specific you told her, or is this in your thread?

Sure. And it is in my thread, but since it is pretty long, I will condense it for you here.

My W had been having an EA, possible PA. I knew about it for a while, and she knew that I knew, but was not even trying to stop. Then I caught her in a parking lot with OM. I confronted her there. Then left. She was on her way to work.

When she got home that evening, she came into our bed, lay next to me, and started to say this guy is only a friend. At that point I told her if it was not moving related, or kid related, I did not want to hear it. I told her I would reply to her D petition (she filed but never served me) and she would not like my answer. I also told her I hoped our boys never grow up to to marry someone like her, and if she loved them, she would hope for the same. Because she should never want our boys to go through what I was going through.

Ok, this was all pre DB. I probably could have left out the mean remark. But the bottom line is I went from resisting a D and being the one who wanted to work at our M, to being cold and distant. My W and I had never yelled at each other, and really never said anything mean to eachother either. So my remarks were definitely out of the ordinary. She also knows I am a stubborn and resolute person. After that night, I did not initiate any conversation with her for the remaining few day before we moved and our S began. Only things which pertained to the kids. I was definitely cold and distant to her. Once we moved and our S began, I never texted her unless it was when she had the kids and I did my daily request to FaceTime with them (she would do the same). The few times I saw her I was very happy and upbeat, as well as wearing new clothes and cologne, and looking as good as I possibly can. A week into our S, she came to my area for our kids joint bday party. I had invited an ex gf. W definitely noticed that. So from everything my W could see I was truly moving on without her and without looking back. There was even the 'idea' that I might already be moving on to a new relationship. Now while I cannot speculate as to what in particular worked or even where she is emotionally towards me, I can say her attitude towards me has improved dramatically. She is initiating texts, when my kids are with her and I am on FaceTime with them, she will now turn the phone to herself and talk to me about little nothings really. Her texts will now include smiley faces, cute emoticons, she has referred to me as her husband to other people recently, and has in general almost taken a pursuing position. While I do not think I am at the point where she wants to R, I am definitely leaps and bounds beyond where I was 2 months ago.

None of this would have happened if I had not gone NC and given her the space, and the belief I was moving on.