I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

I wrote her a text on our anniversary. We were supposed to celebrate it at my family's rented beach house in NJ (we live in CA). It said, "Lovely Julia, I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts, especially on this date. Just know that everyone here loves you and misses you. I pray that with enough hardwork, love, and faith that we can all be back here laughing together this time next year. I have enough of each for the two of us."

Well, she responded with some accusations that I'm continuing to lie about unrelated stuff on FB, spinning facts to make myself look good. And it turned into a two day back and forth of her telling me to leave her alone and go away and me saying "We were so good when we we good, we have so much love and joy ahead of us...Please just tell me one thing I can do to start to rebuild trust."

It ended with her threatening to block my number. Totally NOT the result I was hoping for. I know I just need to leave her alone. I do need to get a grip. I'm sorry I haven't been able to act upon the great advice I've gotten from this community. I've been TOTALLY spun out for weeks. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't work. I'm falling through the cracks with anxiety and depression...

The good news is I have friends who are supporting me and a therapist who gets me. And I connected with my father in a way last night that I don't think I ever have before. He actually held me and consoled me for the first time in my life, and he gave me encouragement that was more than "Go get 'em." So, maybe that's the gift of this whole situation.