Trying to find my way

[pilot]

It's good to know that other people have trouble finding the balance, too, but I'm so pleased that you made progress! Do you mind if I ask how you worked up to this point?

Not at all. I had basically detached to the point of indifference. It made my daily routine much much easier, and I was able to be happy and upbeat around her. I had worked on my 180s and she had definitely noticed. After about 7 weeks or so of me being strict no contact, and limiting any contact she had with me to extremely brief unless it was kid related, she seemed to have softened her heart/position. So a few days ago after we met to exchange the kids (only the 4th time I had seen her) she again initiated text contact over nothing really important. This time, I "allowed" the texting to continue. I use that term not as if I was controlling, but I mean I participated with longer responses. I still kept to DB where I would end the texting with hers being the last. But instead of being short, I gave more enthusiastic answers, and 'engaged' more. It seemed to have been the right time because for the next 2 days it was a non stop marathon. Perhaps she was just caught up in the novelty of communicating after such a long time of not, or maybe something else. I did not really concern myself with WHY but focused on that it was a positive step, and focused on NOT being overly 'happy' about it to the point it came across as too eager. It did stop pretty abruptly when my 5 year old said on the phone we were going to meet a 'friend' for dinner. haha, but that is another story altogether on my thread.

I think the being as dark as possible, and really giving her the impression (a lot based on things I said immediately prior to our S) that I was truly going to move on with out her probably helped. Cannot say for sure (mind reading) but I know nothing else I had tried (crying, pleading, etc) worked, so I just backed off completely. Why I chose that moment to carry on texting with her, I do not know. I knew she had been making more 'advances" in the past 10 days, and I was somewhat worried that her view of the road home was not very smooth looking, so I felt compelled to at least make a gesture. It may, or may not have worked. Long way for me to go though....

Best of luck to you!!!