I have a few more things, tired of hiding. I still text her on occasion, and still talk about us. Always wanting to try and change her mind. I still want to fix her, because she feels bad, lost weight, has rheumatoid arthritis constant battle. I either have to start following a single advice stream or none.
I have friends that have their own opinions, very different ones at that. And then all the advice from here. It's so hard to know what's right or wrong right now. I have one good friend that just went through this the other way with his fiancé. He left, finally come back after 6 months, but he had to get her back. He says a lot if what we talk here, but adds to still talk to her when she calls, text her back be nice all of that. However he also says to back down, have patients. That's the key is patients.
I have never had it and keep trying to gain it. That came from my upbringing I think, not wanting to be patient but get over the whole thing right now, not wait for the fights to be over. I will try to post my thoughts here first before I text, or want to call, or whatever. Maybe you guys can slap me with a 2x4 and get me off the ledge.
I am getting to the point to where I want to change for me and my kids. I know supposed to be for me, but the kids are important also. I was close to 300 lbs only a few months ago. As if this week I am down to 255. Why I got so big, fear. Let me explain. I have a heart issue since I was young, and didn't want to face it, instead, I swept it away and just said I can do it later, or it can get fixed later. Now I don't want that anymore. I want to be here for a while so I can enjoy life, but also to see my kids get old, married, grand kids and the like. Will I make that who knows, but it's up to me to be in control of me. At first that was a problem for the wife, but now it's not her problem it's mine.
That thinking will hopefully help me get over trying to fix her. She tried to tell me to take care of myself, but I didn't listen to her had to come from me. I had a lot of goals with her, but those will have to go on hold for a while until I can figure out finances and such. Hard to let those go, but for yhe time bring I have to. First thing, I wanted to live outside town, but now will have to move into the city and closer to work. It's so hard to stomach that, but has to done for me and the kids. Later maybe I can figure out how to get further out or somewhere I really want to be.
Once again sorry, just a lot of reflection over the past few days. I even got a bit upset tonight at my daughter and started to scream, real eye opener. Actually made me cry, that I lost it for a minute and all she did was something tiny, won't make tomorrow or her life bad. Need to remember that my anger is because of emotions and fear, not the real me.
Thanks for the comments on the first post. Thornton, I will be praying for your stich, and that you can keep up the progress. And I appreciate all your posts and honesty has helped me to reflect even more. Everyone on here is very helpful, and understanding. Very appreciated!!
