Really, really good post, Roid. That self reflection is so important.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. My dad is very much old school. Shows no emotion, no I love you's, no hugs. I became him. I actually felt scared to show emotion because it conveyed weakness.
Fear was my #1 weakness during this whole thing. TBH, I was terrified. I felt unworthy, I felt I was going to be alone forever, I felt I could never find anyone as good as WAW, I felt I would never experience the feelings of love like I had for WAW.
My mom, God bless her, told me something. You've probably seen me post this before but it really helped me. Make your faith bigger than your fear. Say it and then allow it to sink in. After I kept repeating it, it started to take hold in me. Easy? No. But I kept saying it. In the car, walking into my office, at home, lying in bed, taking a shower etc.
Your sitch is far from over. Keep working on it, keep coming here and telling your story. And don't forget to comfort others, there's healing in helping other people.
