Trying to find my way

[pilot]

It IS tough to balance doing the 180s and keeping your DB approach up so you do not pursue or push them away. In my own case, my W was upset I did not tell her she was beautiful enough and such. She was right, I had slacked off. But if I were to start doing that right away, it would be a bad thing. I am now at the point where I can slowly start tossing a compliment or two out there and judge the results. I actually did give her a compliment yesterday, and she was very receptive and thanked me for it. 2 months ago it would have been met with deaf ears and probably a mild case of annoyance.

I do not have an answer for when or how you should initiate. I doubt anyone can give you that answer. You will just have to judge that for yourself. You had mentioned your H thinks when you do initiate physical contact/intimacy, it is done for your own needs. This is why I suggested YOU doing something for/to him which only results in HIS needs being met. I think you get the idea of what I am suggesting. And that is only if you are comfortable with that. From a guy's perspective, that act does not require any emotional attachment/involvement on his part. How you initiate it successfully also comes down to timing. Try it when he is in the middle of something he is doing, you will probably annoy him. Catch him off guard when he is not distracted by something else, I find it hard to believe he would say no. Dont ask, just do. Take charge and have at it. The first time you will probably just shock him, he wont know what to think or how to react. Keep it up for a week or two, and I am relatively sure he will be giving some thought to all of this. Again, only if this is within your comfort zone. He may just start warming up to you, and begin to look at you in a sexual manner.