How am I doing this ?

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, maybe she has coffee with girlfriends in whom she confides. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Don't believe anything she says.
I sometimes go for days without anyone responding to my thread. It's just goes like that sometimes.
You need to figure out what went wrong in your marriage. What needs of hers did you not fulfill? What behaviours and patterns of interacting lead to this sitch. Try to figure out what your role in all of this was. Then put together a plan for your own growth and self-improvement. Seems like you have the detachment thing under control. Now you need to change.

I did a lot of soul searching and made some drastic changes in my life. She did notice the changes, but still is not convinced they are permanent - she's afraid I'll just slip back into my old ways. That just takes time. I've been at it 6 months and she's still not trusting the permanence of my changes, but I think she's starting to feel a little more comfortable with them. I'm still in the process of making changes. Every month I see something else that needs changing in my behaviour or my patterns of interacting. It's a lot of work, but I am becoming a better person. I'm becoming a H only a fool would leave. It takes Patience, Perseverance, Persistence and Ponderance.

Dawgy, don't worry about your W. Work on yourself. She will notice and it will cause her very conflicted feelings. She will go through all sorts of ups & downs. She will spew forth vitriol that will make you upset. Don't let it get to you. Put on your spew jacket and smile. Says things like 'that must be difficult for you", or "I see how you can feel like that". Don't take her bait if she pushes your buttons. That took me a long time to master.