Long term marriage - husband quit!

[Ben2010]

Go back and read your post first. YOU were the one who insulted those who stood for their marriage for a lengthy period. And I can tell you that there is no time period because every situation is different.

That wasnt me saying that. That was part of the quote. I dont plan on insulting anyone here at all.

As for busby's post, the same thing applies. From what I read in the sitch both her and her H have some serious learning to do in their relationship. Again, this is a process which has no set time frame. Once you establish a timeframe, you will fail because you "expect" things that are out of your control.

I can agree with portions of this. However, there are sitches that the WAS would rather just sit and do nothing or is continuing an A. I dont see how you can sit there for an unlimited amount of time and deal with that. None of us are here because we want a D. But I think it is unreasonable to wait forever on what "might" work out. Especially knowing that there is happiness out there.


What you don't understand is that the anger you feel is something you do to yourself. You give it power so it affects you. Your spouse can act like a total @$$, but you have a choice whether to blow it off or let it eat away at you.

I dont think this is anger at all. I think its pain. No one wants to feel unwanted or unvalued by the person that they are with or want to be with. That [censored] hurts.


I would say my W was one of the worst. The spew I had to listen to. But then I remembered that her acting out was more about her than me. Then the power of her words and actions faded away. And all this was while she was in an A with her boss twice her age.

Again, all the respect in the world to you for dealing with that sitch. I personally couldnt do it. Call it weakness or impatience or whatever you want to call it, but there is no way that I could deal with those circumstances for that long or even close. You had the will power and determination to do it and you did. I applaud your effort.

DBing isn't the easiest thing to do. But there is one thing that it requires, and that's patience. If you give the process a chance, you might be surprised. But it's not like studying for the Bar exam. There are no set deadlines and you need to leave your expectations at the door.

I can understand this too. I have not personally done my sitch by the book at all. I feel some of what I have done is up for interpretation as to how it fits. Im also trying to take my C's advice and it clashes a bit with some of this stuff. I can be fully on board with the no expectations thing and most of the 37 rules, but I have also seen some progress with other things too.