Trying to find my way

[pilot]

Meghan,

I would approach sex cautiously. I am not saying do not initiate, but here is another guy's perspective. After I found out about the A my W was having, and a few days later we agreed to D, we ended up that night having some of the best sex we have had in years. And again the next morning. However, it was fleeting and 2 days later was a distant memory. After I caught my W with OM in a parking lot, there was NOTHING she could have done to initiate sex with me. I was detached from her at that point. My W and I had a very active sex life for most of our marriage. When the first bomb dropped last S, it died off. For the next month, I initiated 9 times (I counted) and was rejected each time. I quit asking. We continued to have sex regularly, but after being rejected so many times, I really never allowed myself to 'get worked up' to where I wanted to initiate. If she wanted to have sex, Id oblige. If I wasnt in the mood, she would do things for me. But at that point, it was almost like a chore than a connection.

I say this because if you had rejected your H in the past enough, it really does take the spark out of him. And it will affect him in lots of ways...physically and emotionally.

You can fix this by being the one to initiate, and communicating to him that you WANT him to initiate. And as Ben said, be creative. Do not just wait till before you got to sleep. Surprise him in the middle of the day, early morning, or heck, wake him up in the middle of the night. And I do not mean to get graphic or detailed, but surprise him with a quick oral for him. Not expecting anything from him in return. Do this often enough and his fears and insecurities about rejection will subside. i know it can be tough to do these things when going through what we are all going through. But if this is something which caused him to walk away, it is something you can do as a 180 to show true change. Again, I do not mean to suggest become an inanimate sex toy, but show him that you understand HIS needs and his insecurities and are comfortable helping work those out with him.