Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

Journaling: Today has been rough. H. woke up in what seemed like a bad mood - quiet and a bit snappy. I had to work today, and I work from home, so I was around for most of it. I tried to at least hide my feelings, and think I succeeded, but I spent most of the afternoon feeling like I was going to cry or throw up.

I find myself having an increasingly hard time letting go of past mistakes. I'm hugely focused on the past - this is partly wishing I had taken his concerns more seriously years ago, and partly the more immediate past. I feel like I really ruined DB again by answering the counselor and telling about my own resentments, and also by mentioning that I was scared about H. going on this trip where he feels like he'll figure out if there's any hope or not.

I really need to GAL more than I am. It's so easy to be here and wallow and make myself miserable, which isn't in the least bit helpful.