Well of course she did the same things your H is doing now at the beginning. After she calmed down about it though, she would talk about it in a serious manner that wasnt in absolutes. So thats what Im getting at.
He can say all of that nonsense now that he wants, but when he truly sits and talks to you about it, it wont be the same. He wont be insulting when hes saying it. I promise you eventually he will calm down and you all will have a talk like that. Not sure if it will be on the same timeline I had, but it will happen.
I completely understand not wanting "that" person back the way he is. It took everything I had to even listen to her when she was like that let alone be in the same space. It hurts alot to feel like you never meant anything to them based on the way they talk. That isnt the case though. He cares, hes just clouded right now and youre gonna have to wait it out until he comes out of it.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
I understand. It doesnt mean that any of what I said is untrue. Dont be completely discouraged. Work on detaching and give this some time. I know you want his A to end right now and to start working on it, but it will take some time. Once you detach and he tries to come back around then you can be the one to decide whether you are willing to accept him back.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
Thank you for the encouragement. I have meditated, prayed, hypnosis, EDMR, exercised, pulled weeds until my wrists hurt.
I have dedicated myself 100% to my DD 18 - who is in great pain from her fathers choices. Just because they are 18 does not mean they are still not children.
I know I am low and spinning. It was just yesterday he was so contemptuous, evil- he seemed smug about his affair and my pain.
He has to stop pushing me. I get anemia really bad. I hope I don't wind up in the hospital again. I can't seem to stop losing weight -- I force myself to eat 3x a day.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
Ill post a quote from an old vet for you that gave me some help feeling better about it. Most of the vets on here now have negative responses to it, but ill post it for you anyway and see if it helps you:
I know. The majority of men on here struggling just can't seem to let go. It is nothing more than low self esteem and lack of confidence. To top it off, I don't see much of a success rate with the tactics and methods the men are using on this site a working very well. We have men who have been on here from 2 weeks to over two years. Same methods being used by most all and same results happening to most all..
I guess the men who have been on here for so long just need a "little more patience" and understanding before she wakes up...
Maybe tomorrow huh? Maybe three years is the key......
All the while the simple facts and reality that the men who usually have the most succes getting the woman to come back are the ones who let them go the fastest and leave the woman alone the quickest. The men who go out and start getting a life, having fun, mingling and flirting with the opposite sex and living and loving life to the fullest. They stop whining, stop complaining, stop venting, stop journaling and START DOING..
Those are the men who succeed. The evidence is all around these men struggling, but they fail to see....
I wonder why that is?
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
I know - detach. As far as he knows- I have been doing a great job- I post me frustrations here - not to him.
I want to move on - for me. I need to be strong for girls. I need to take care of myself -for myself. Thank you for the reminder, Ben. There is no way I can go 2 years.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
I know what youre saying. I will not deal with this for 2 years either. I value myself more than that and I know that there is someone out there that wants me just the way that I am. I am willing to work for my marriage but I wont be walked on. More power and respect to the people that can do it that long, but I am not one of them.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
