Hi LFW, I'm new here so didn't follow your sitch in the past. After a little over a year since B-day my W finally moved out a few weeks ago. I will say that since she has gone I'm finding it much easier to DB. You're post gives me hope for my sitch! I've made more progress in the last few weeks then in the last year! I think you're right that the trick is to STOP trying to save the M but start saving yourself. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing so well. I too have 2 teenagers (girls) that seem to be spending most of their time with me. Hard in some ways, much more satisfying in so many others.
I wish you well now that you're D. My W filed a few weeks before leaving but so far hasn't pushed anything forward. I'm sure that will change soon. It's funny how I was afraid of D but now that she is gone, it's just not as bad in my mind.
Thanks for sharing, success stories (even ones where the M isn't the thing that was saved) are always appreciated!
The real twist with DB....is that we all start it to save our marriages but that isn't really what happens. As I told my girlfriend last night as we discussed this site, DB in the end isn't about saving the marriage it is about saving yourself.
Maybe saving yourself saves the marriage....but even if the marriage ends, if you do the work you will be a better a person.
Focus on saving you...and everything else will fall into place accordingly as it should.
Lost, I couldn't have said it better. How are you doing these days?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It went very well...She is in a fair amount of pain, but feeling better by the minute. The real big deal was her actions....Even though she was in pain she thanked ever person who helped her. Made it a point to do it. Appreciation is such a great thing to learn.....proud of her.
Job -I am doing real good overall....A hiccup here or there, but overall very good. How are you?
Send them on down Mach.....My house usually has 3-5 teenagers in it anyways (I am just cool like that). What is a few more of them for the zoo? Thinking about it.....A few more and I probably could start charging admission and retire to Bora Bora sooner LOL.
"You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give."
Well my half year update LOL....Things are pretty dang good....actually better than good. About once I day I have a crazy light bulb moment, where I realize just how awesome my life is. It is strange, but very comforting to know how far I have come in so many parts of my life. Persistence in investing in my self instead of things I have no control over has shown some great fruits....but I am not satisfied with great fruits and awesome. I am aiming for spectacular and really good fruit filled pie
The beasties are doing very good. Grades are up and my son just finished his first season of high school jayvee soccer. More and more they just prefer to stay home than go to their moms, but I think that is more the teenager thing. They want to live life on their own terms and not on the terms that we dictate for them. I think that is a pretty good thing.
As for me...this year has been crazy work wise...just nonstop. The lyme thing is under control and I am back to hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. I love the gym, but boy does it remind me that I am not 22 anymore the morning after lol.
In January we will be moving to the beach as I have landed a new job with an engineering firm. The three of us are beyond excited, but the next month is looking like crazy busy....but that is the price of change.
I also stay merrily single LOL.....I have gone a few dates and talked with women, but it seems that the past controls so much of the present for most.I really believe that is a huge part of DB that is missed in the moment we are here....regardless of how the marriage goes, you have to learn to accept the past, learn from it, and move on. People talk about doing that, yet a lot of them still live in the past...projecting their past lives into the present, and limiting their futures.
So I will see you all again in 6 months...from the beach...with a corona in hand and the waves in my view.
Congratulations on the new job and the move. Travel safely to your new home and new adventure.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
