BC39.....The fight for my marriage continues

[BC39]

After a lot of reading yesterday I'm confident she is having at least a partial form of a mid life crisis, and has been in one since BD 2 years ago.

So I went home last night and told her I was going to give her space and time, but a couldn't promise I'd still be standing for the marriage if/when she comes out on the other side. I told her I am hear for her if she wants to talk and that I want to be her safe place. She opened up to me and told me everything that she feeling. She was very emotional.

She feels we turned away from each other for so long prior to BD 2 years ago that she cant get it back even though I've been a different person for the last 2 years. She said she wants to live in the present but has a hard time not thinking about the past and how it molded us to where we are now. She can't flip that switch back on. She reiterated how great she thinks I am, how much I've done in the last 2 years, and how much she respects me, but still can't get the "feeling" back. (she's very tortured inside)

She said she doesn't want to leave but doesn't feel its right to stay. She said if she leaves she has nothing, no job, no money etc. She feels like shes in a lose-lose situation.

She mentioned she hasn't even told her parents of this latest development. Which is very strange as they are VERY close and they are quite familiar with our sitch. W also mentioned she feels she has pushed away and distanced herself from her friends.

She went to our doctor this morning to get her hormones checked. He also mentioned depression to her and the possibility of taking meds. She said she thinks its the stress that making her depressed and that meds would just be masking it. (Again, for the last 6 months I saw very little sign of depression or stress, which is very confusing, but who am I to argue her feelings)

Its all so heartbreaking. I feel our connection to this day is better than most, but I guess she doesn't see it. But she can't articulate to me either.