I am the prize

[daring]

I am having a bad few days. S16 had friends over two nights ago who ended up staying the night without pre-planning it and were quite loud. Ended up happening the next night as well even though I had said they need to not stay over. Nothing egregious but he was being a normal teenager who is self focused.
H was really angry about it though- and last night as soon as I got home a discussion ensued that was quite uncomfortable. S16 was trying to not accept responsibility for some of his choices, but H was also talking to him with sarcastic jabs and being controlling. Was attacking his character more than necessary in my opinion. Then got upset with me because I was calmly stating my expectations but was being " too nice" WTF???
Then S16 really went after it and started trying to split us saying he asked mom, not dad about friends over and it's her house. And mom is being more reasonable then you are. H took the bait and got even more pi$$y asking him WTH that was all about.
Afterwords I was clearly very upset b/c I can step back and see it us more about the relationship than the issue at hand but H can't see it right now. I also realize I need to set clearer boundaries with S but I also worry about him b/c he had an admit in March for depression and suicidal thoughts and though he is receiving treatment and much better his mental state is still fragile.
I also had lovely input from my nanny of 5 yrs who has different perspectives on parenting and made me feel crappy. I'm touchy feely, she's not. Usually I'm fine with that but this all hit me and I bawled my eyes out last night and this morning.

H wanted to talk more last night about what we needed to do and what I thought he needed to change in his approach ( that is a very good thing I know) but I said I think this conversation should happen at another time because we need to be able to hear each other not just have the need to be right. He agreed.

I wrote him an email last night with my thoughts. This morning I called him b/c nanny was being judgmental again ( she's not usually like this) and I was just emotionally done. He listened and tried to help. Texted me later that he's sorry and we can talk through this and find ways to support each other better.

Maybe this all will turn out to be a good thing but I haven't cried that much and felt so hurt in months. Clearly it hit something and I told H I know we are both projecting our own wounds into this. Thankful I have IC today!