Trying to find my way

[Meghan]

Last night I went out with a friend who didn't know about the situation. I told her, and got some good feedback, but I'm still feeling awful.

I wake up every day feeling lost, panicked, sick, and close to tears. I'm trying to hide if from H., and I think I'm succeeding most of the time, but I still don't feel detached and all the awful feelings are still there.

Leading up to his trip, things feel worse and worse. I'm terrified that he'll come back only to tell me that things can't be fixed and that he's leaving. I'm obsessed over the fear that saying something about my issues with the relationship in counseling has made him feel worse about our situation and will have an effect on his choice. I think all the time about what I can do right now that will make him want to work on things, and the fact that I only have really five days to show him anything. After our last counseling session, he said nothing had changed and he didn't have any more hope, even after weeks of DBing, so how will five days change anything before he goes.

I'm keeping up with my DB changes, but I feel like there's more I could or should be doing. Suggestions?