I too have wondered why on earth I chose to walk forward with this man even though the red flags were there from the beginning.
I remember telling myself " continue to move forward, but with caution". And I did just that.
You know guys, just because we pick someone with flaws that eventually become too intense and not healthy to be around doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us!
For starters, we are compassionate people that give people the benefit of the doubt. And sometimes these people wear very good masks, and keep them on a very long time before the true person is revealed.
The only thing I can think of, is to accept who WE ARE and what WE WILL FALL FOR in a man. And make a mantra of what WE WILL ACCEPT IN A MAN. There's a big difference if you think about it! And then educate ourselves in signs of how these men with these traits could have some serious things going on that could cause strife down the road.
Like for me, I read up on how to avoid narcissists, and mental abusers during divorce, during boyfriend, and still after! But given this was my first real long term relationship after a 20 year marriage... well Im still pretty green! It's a learning process, and the only way we learn is to make mistakes. People can still have some serious traits or quirks and end up being good people!
I just thank heaven for that book I ended up with from Lundy Bancroft! It's so detailed in how these men can seem so right on one hand then completely nutts on the other.
And that's what really confused me about boyfriend and still does! He's what's called a " well adjusted abuser". He's been to therapy, he's very intelligent, and when he's not in his "mood" is as down to earth, loving, compassionate, funny, and makes all the sense in the world. Then at the drop of a dime, can literally take a grain of sand and twist it into a dozen different directions of how I was mean, and insensitive to him! All the sudden he's a victim, and I literally have no idea what the hell he's talking about!
MLCer's do that too! We have to stop letting these people braid our brain waves!!! LOL.
Im still sad, for the good part in him that I can't have anymore because the horrible ugly side comes right with it. Im sad for him because there literally is something very wrong and twisted in his brain. Im sad that he's aware he does this but is so hung up on the control he won't let it go and continues to have failed relationships. But there literally isn't anything I can do to change that!
Im praying for him daily. Honestly xboyfriend needs all the prayer he can get.
