I am Lost

[ILMWF]

My story is much the same as everyone here. My wife probably felt neglected and a military man she worked with paid her more attention than he should have. I have been at this now for more than two years. The Affair started as most an EA then went to an PA. The military member was reassigned back to the states in July 2012. Since then the emails have been on and off but mostly on. I have seen some of them by mistake a couple of times and they quite frankly disgust me. My wife is in a MLC and she is also in denial. Makes no difference what I do she objects to it and says I am trying to control her. I have never tried to control anyone little lone my very stubborn and strong willed wife. She at times makes no sense and also looks like someone I have never know in my life. Some of the stuff out of her mouth seems to be coming from someone I have never met. My question and need for help is this. I have changed drastically since I discovered the affair. I pay a lot more attention to her with such things as nice long massages and back rubs. She refuses to say ILY and a Long kiss is out of the question. she says she likes only a peck on the lips or cheek. I am doing a lot of other things to help resolve our relationship problems but she seems to be doing nothing but to continue emailing this man. Should I completely stop all the nice things I am doing even though it is who I really am. What does it mean to go dark. My 180 has been to treat her as nice as I can and be a much better man than I was before. Is this the correct path?

Please help

Thank You