Wife is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT IV

[Train]

Dev,

Why did she tell me she's keeping the OM in her life, is she testing me?

As hard as it is (especially for a "rescuer"), something I've REALLY been learning lately - through my own life and listening to some friends who are in tough times with their partners - is that it's best sometimes just to hear EXACTLY what they're saying. And don't read anymore into it at all.

She told you she's keeping the OM in her life because, frankly, she's decided to keep the OM in her life (in *some* capacity) for now. Nothing else matters for YOU - and your previously-stated boundaries - except that.

And I agree with mdu: you've already handled the continued-contact-with-OM issue. Boundaries, as Starsky says, are *weakened* if/when they're repeated. No need to "handle" anything in regard to OM right now.

You just keep plugging away and doing what you've been doing. While you may not be seeing the improvements you are hoping for in your relationship, I honestly believe your W now knows you're not a doormat and you are standing for your family.

Think of how stable that looks to her right now. Is it any wonder she's out there, twisting and miserable? Her life is a disaster right now. But she looks at you, and you're stable. And consistent. You're leading your family. THAT is awfully attractive, especially if/when your W sits back and looks at what a disaster she has created in her own life.

I am very sorry to hear what she said about your kids in front of them. I cannot imagine how difficult that was for any of you to hear. But I *can* imagine how difficult it is to watch a spouse turn into an alien and turn his/her back on the children. It absolutely defies logic. Makes no sense at all for a person to turn like that. But it's just where they are. We can have compassion, but we have to continue to protect our kids and assure them they're loved through and through.

Your love, consistency, stability and leadership is the absolute best thing you can give your kids right now.

You're doing great.

Keep standing firm. You da man.