Life now that Ex MLCer has married the OW!

[AJM]

What is it that makes you feel 'dirty' about it? You didn't make those choices for him. You didn't drive him to do it.

As for my friend? They talked almost every day regarding the kids. I suspect he married the OW to "get at" my friend. His way of expressing anger. And there was drinking of course.

He self-imploded and took out whatever was near him. It was ugly to say the least.

This is many years later, but he wanted her back for a long time and it seems to have ruined his marriage to OW. He changed his behavior. They were married for 20 years or so (seems common, no?) I won't say that my friend doesn't have a smidgen of satisfaction from that, but I don't think she likes to see him suffer either. It's not like that. They were able to forge a friendship because he changed. That doesn't always happen, right?

I hear you though. Remember, I don't talk to my ex. I communicate with her regarding matters that need attention, but that's about it. She tries to cause drama, get attention, accuse me of things (even now?) etc. I stopped responding to that years ago. But sometimes, it feels like she wants to have a conversation of some sort. Like she wants to maintain a connection. To me, it's an abusive connection where she gets to feed her anger (and her husbands - who knows why he's angry but that's another story.) It's almost as if she uses her anger at me to control him sometimes. But I'm only guessing. I really don't pay much attention. It's just craziness and I don't have time for that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm aware that we have unfinished business. It may remain unfinished until one of us is six feet under. But looking around I'm not blind to how relationships work. I'm not blind to unfinished business and I do recognize that my ex lost her mind during the time she was leaving. I'm not blind to her doing what she can to put herself back together and go on with her life. I get it. I wish her the best. But I'm not willing to be a part of it at the cost of me. Kind of like when I date people - I'm not willing to accept some things and so I wish them well and move along. It's just what works for me, ya know?

You don't have to worry about seeing or talking to your ex, Kimmerz. If he really wanted to, he'd find a way to reach out to you and talk. He may never do that and you know that. Even if he did, you may not want to talk to him at the time. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it may be healthier that way, right?

The more important part is how you deal with your new relationships. How you bring forward what you've learned about you, about relationships, about life in general. How YOU live your life.

The rest can take care of itself.

AJ