Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

What has been working this time round:
-Validating
-Trying to stay positive during our interactions
-Focusing on my growth and what I need to improve about myself instead of being focused on W and my perceptions of her faults and flaws(I am still working on this).
-Trying to focus on life beyond this phase. Realizing that reconciling is not an end in itself but part of the journey towards the bigger goal of a great life is helping.
-Running(I mean physically running 3-5 miles). Helps to energize me and boost my mood.
-Reconnecting with God, faith and spiritual growth: I didn't outright turn away. I just let my spiritual life become very passive.
-Letting go of any expectations but not giving up on her.
-Talking about the situation with a very close friend and with a life coach for outside perspective.
-Getting additional outside perspective from this board (thanks Betsey, Sandi and all the others who have chipped in).
-Being outdoors: Love the sun.


What seemed to work before the separation:
-Flowers: She melted every time she got them (birthday, anniversary). She would text me photos of the flowers once she received them, even during the coldest of fronts. For a brief moment, she was her old self.
-Standing up to her: I have become a lot more assertive. After some initial resistance, she almost always warmed up to me during recent arguments.
-Talking on the phone versus Facetime. At first Facetime was great as we could literally see each other but W would get very stressed about these calls. I started the switch to phone calls which seemed to ease her mind especially during January-February of this year.
-Running
-Flirting