Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

Discipline and clarity: I am scared shitless today. Our four year anniversary is this week. It will be ten years since we first became a couple. I don't feel good about where we are one bit. I feel so disconnected from her: I don't really know how she is, what she is thinking and if she is with someone else. DB feels like an impossible journey right now. On days like today, I wonder if I am fooling myself.

And it is not only that I am scared about whether or not we will reconcile. I am also scared about what would happen if we did.

My prayer this week has been: Don't let me give up for the wrong reasons. Let me stay for the right reasons.

On days like today, I have to force myself to stay focused on my plan and timeline. There may come a point to throw in the towel. Just not today.