Sex was great, then we married part 3

[MrBond]

"None of it is getting through?

I don't get it. Really? Nobody is hearing the good things I've done, plus nobody thinks sex is important ENOUGH to take seriously."

Sigh. Calm down. EVERYONE is hearing about the good things you've done. You go out of your way to make a point of it. Those are great. AND no one said that your sex issue shouldn't be taken seriously.

But what you don't seem to get is that it doesn't seem like you have a sex problem. Your W is going through something and you put most of your effort on the sex even though the rest of your relationship seems to be going great.

"Bond, you focus too much on the words and not enough on what they mean."

Go back and repeat that to yourself. I and others ALL know what you mean. I don't know why you insist that we don't.

"I said "fix" and that's another no-no word for you it sounds like. I'm sorry. I never know when that's going to happen, but I do try to avoid it when I can. "

I didn't say "fix" was a no-no word. But if you've learned anything about how people and especially women work, it's that they don't want to be "fixed". Just validated and heard.

Being a "fixer" is usually a male trait. We see a problem, we try to offer solutions and fix it. That's now how women work. Your W would probably say the same thing as well as the women here.

"Then you said my wife is sick? Again? She has diabetes, not cholera."

YOU were the one who said she had cancer and other health related issues that were a result of medications she was taking. You seem to be minimizing the fact that it seems to be a big thing for her. You don't think it's a big deal, so don't think that it should be a big deal for her.

"If you don't want to help with my problem, don't get mad at me following advice from the creator of the site we're writing on when it comes to talking about people's needs."

That's funny. You know I've been helping people on this site for a very long time in line with what Michele's principles are. I don't think a newb like you should be preaching to the choir.

"Instead, my wife does have problems AND I help her deal with them. It's like you missed the part where I didn't bring up sex or worry about it the entire weekend we enjoyed together too, know what I mean? "

No I didn't miss that. But see, you're expecting to be applauded and praised for not bringing up sex to her for one weekend. It seems like you're "expecting" your W to give you something back in exchange for what you did for her. You don't have anything to prove to us, just prove it to yourself and your W.

Have you noticed how many women have been trying to help you and give you their perspective? That's gold. They are your W and are giving you valuable insight. Yet you insist that they are not seeing your POV. They don't need to. They are seeing things through your W's POV and right now, that's all that matters.

You've got two ears and one mouth so you can listen more than you talk. Try it out for a change.