Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

Short term (next 3-6 months) goals & progress:
1. To re-establish communication with W (in progress): We have texted a few times to arrange a time for us to talk. We have talked four times since coming out of the no communication phase.

I have tried to validate as much as I can even when she said she was sure we were doing the right thing ending our M. The old me would have jumped me to reason why we had not done everything and what options we still haven't pursued.

One positive note: She has moved from not being sure if she even wanted us to be friends in the first call to asking what I though about us staying in touch more with the potential for friendship a few weeks later. She did add though that she needs a few weeks of space before this can happen.

2. To re-establish a safe space for us to communicate honestly (to follow): We are still a long way from this. W has been uncharacteristically up beat during the calls. My read was that she was excited about a new life with someone else.

Our last call was very tense and awkward with a brief conversation about if I would stay in the house and a separation agreement. I need to detach more which will allow me to be more of my authentic self and which will help with creating that safe and honest space for us to communicate.

3. To have W back away from separation (TBD): She has told her close friends and family. She had not told them the first time we separated. This scares me as it is a sign that she really is set on this path.

4. To have W back away from divorce (TBD): Still a long way away.

5. To have us both in the same city (TBD): At this stage, this is wishful thinking on my part. She has made it clear she won't move back here and does not want me to see her.

To support this, I need:
1. To be my true self when we do interact.
2. To validate where possible.
3. To detach from having expectations.
4. To believe none of what she says and half of what she does.
5. To be patient.
6. To test any key decisions or actions with this board to make sure I am not being emotionally reactive at the expense of any progress being made.