Sex was great, then we married part 3

[GoatGal]

Grey,

You're getting really wound up again...slow down a little, OK?


You say you're very happy.
She's happy. You're happy.
So what is the problem?

You're reacting in a very odd way... that is not a criticism, just an observation.
It concerns me.

Just a few points I'd like to make.

1. You are one person saying all of us don't understand what you're saying.
OK. Maybe that's true. What is it that you think we're missing here? And if you read back, do you see that in fact, we really DID miss this?


2. Most of us have tried to advise, explain, listen, reflect, redirect, and, in general, tried to help you. For no personal gain. That doesn't seem to be appreciated, at least not clearly by your words.

3. Most of your responses have been focused on defending your position, rather than trying to change your perspective. It's like you already have all the answers.

4. So far--(and yes, it's possible that I might have missed it)--I have not heard you say:

"Gee, that's interesting. Let me try that."

"I never thought about it that way."

"I'll try that and get back to you."


5. Basically what I'm saying is: YOU HAVE NOT BEEN VALIDATING US in our efforts to help you.

6. You have been talking over us, getting louder and louder to get your point across. You keep saying you're right to think/feel/do this or that.
Maybe you are.
But how is it working for you?

7. You are very self-focused, and I might add, hyper-focused on this issue.
If your marriage is great, you're both happy, and technically, you do NOT (yet) have a SSM, why all the discussion?

8. Mostly when we make a suggestion or comment, you spend a lot of energy explaining why we are wrong. It feels like you are trivializing our input.

The fact is--you came here for support and insight. And we've been trying to give that to you.

Yet it's like beating our heads against the wall.


No doubt you feel the same.

The question is: HOW CAN WE CHANGE THAT?

Do you have a suggestion how we can communicate better?

I, for one, would be willing to try that.


And I'm going out on a limb here, but I have to revert back to the Asperger's discussion.
I really hear that now, more than ever.
Take it or leave it.

It explains a LOT of why we keep getting our signals crossed.

-----------

Now before you go firing off some response defending yourself, maybe take the time to really think through and respond to what I stated above, point by point.

There is no need to defend yourself. I am not criticism or blaming you, just asking for some explanations.



That would be a start.

---GG