Been taking some time off from the BB to regroup and ground myself. Trying to make sure I keep the focus on my top priorities. Also, trying to keep focused on what is working and most effective for my particular situation. Consistently whatever the DBing coach advises gets me the best results so right now I'm letting her opinion trump.
A lot has been happening, H and I have spent quite a bit of time together over the last week including taking a day off work together. All very positive. He invited me to a concert this weekend with him, his older son and older son’s fiancé; we may also take another ½ day off work just to hang together. So lots of opportunity for connection which is obviously great.
We’re both very happy about the times we’re having fun and connecting. However, he is still very skeptical about coming home and things working out long term. He is concerned about old patterns and seeing behaviors in me that he didn’t like, which apparently ‘trigger’ a very negative downward spiral of general hopelessness about the marriage for him. He’s afraid if he comes home and basically is around me a lot that he will get to a negative place that he can’t get out of. He has commented several times that he has seen positive changes in me but it’s obvious that he needs to see them consistently over a longer period of time. He may see an individual counselor to discuss all his feelings, it’s very difficult but I’m trying to stand back and let him sort it out.
Similarly, I am also dubious about our future as we really have not done much of anything in terms of dealing with the affair and of course I don’t trust him right now. I feel reasonably confident that things with OW are either completely over or at least have cooled off very, very considerably. His entire demeanor towards me has changed (for the better). We have briefly discussed transparency plan but not specifics. He has expressed interest in hearing the specifics so I think we will go there very shortly, although since we don’t live together currently a lot of it would be quite difficult to implement. But if he wants to hear it, I will share so at least he will know specifically what I expect/need in order for him to come home, the transparency plan is definitely a condition of him moving back.
So that's the latest. I hope everyone is well.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
