I'm working so hard to prove myself to you because the advice you gave is the advice I took. It's not that I care so much as I don't think we can actually have a conversation about it when we're not on the same page about understanding the facts regarding what's going on.
" if you are not here to work on yourself, what are you hoping to get out of this?"
See?
It's like the literal LIST of things I've mentioned I've changed haven't happened, including, of all things, therapy.
You're projecting onto me. Maybe I'm terrible at communicating. I WISH you could talk to my wife. I could tell you a billion times I haven't brought up sex or pressured her or anything at all having to do with sex in so long, but it doesn't matter-----you still think I don't listen to my wife. That part really bugs me.
It's not that it bugs me because I'm "not working on myself" or it's only me I can control, but because it's so inaccurate. I feel like we're really not on the same page with who I am or how I treat my wife but BECAUSE I have to explain and defend it nobody hears me? It's just so strange. Everyone seems to think they know my wife better than I do and know me better than I'm willing to admit, but saying my wife is sick and I don't listen to her or ask about her needs, it's just, I dunno? How did we get to this point at all? It's not that I didn't write it, but is it all being deduced from the way I'm talking here instead?
It's not that I think anyone is out to get my explicitly--------I think people aren't REALLY listening. They don't believe me. They think I'm twisting it, or in many cases simply not reading or forgettting what I've written.
For example, you say I haven't changed because of what people say here. For one, I have (really? not once?), but the problem for me is it's not a two-way street. Have you tried to understand that I might actually be doing things right and listening and said the same thing about ","hmmm, I didn't realize I was coming across that way. I don't see it the same way/that wasn't my intention, but I will try to understand your perspective."?
I don't MEAN to be defensive, and just for the record again I'll say THANK YOU for talking, I do appreciate it, but it's like I wish I could start from square one because the information isn't getting across. I think people want me to write about everything else I do JUST so they'll be able to listen to the other parts. If I don't write about what I did this weekend people can't believe I didn't think about sex or had a good time with my wife, nevermind if she'd say the same thing (she would).
My wife DOES feel comfortable communicating her needs to me! I promise! Don't take my word for it though-----but if you assume it's true or if you can believe that's exactly what she would say (I've given specific examples here plenty), but why not me? I don't get the argument that I don't listen to my wife's needs but she SHOULDN'T listen to mine because they're mine and they're selfish rather than potentially mutually beneficial, regardless of me shutting up about it. Her needs ARE selfish sometimes, but I feel like here I'm being told I first don't meet them AND I'm selfish for having a need of my own (again, regardless of not bringing it up, not having it met, and still being good to my wife).
I don't think people believe we're truly happy.
That's so crazy to me. We're VERY happy, especially her.
If I had a dollar for every person that said or commented on us being their favorite couple I'd buy Michele a plane to meet every married couple on the eastern seaboard. That doesn't mean we can't be happier, or that one day I wouldn't like to have a sex life again. I dunno. Maybe I shot myself in the foot and gave everyone the wrong idea about us. It's too bad you can't talk to my wife. You'd love her. And she's happy.
