Grey, I think a little bit of humility might go a long way. If I was your wife I would probably stop trying to communicate my needs to you because I haven't once heard you say,"hmmm, I didn't realize I was coming across that way. I don't see it the same way/that wasn't my intention, but I will try to understand your perspective."
You remind me of my H. I would tell him I felt some need wasn't being met-- and instead of understanding I was met with defensiveness: "how can you say that; look at all the things I do to show you I love you; you are too sensitive; it pisses me off when you tell me that because I am trying so hard." It really made me question my version of reality and wonder if I was crazy or being manipulated.
Why are you working so hard to prove yourself to us? You are probably the most defensive poster I have seen on here. No one is out to get you yet you think that is the case.
Bottom line-- (and a question I have asked you at least twice with no answer): if you are not here to work on yourself, what are you hoping to get out of this? You are all you can control. Do you want permission to leave? You have mine-- I have no vested interest in saving your M or not. But if you want to be married to your W, feedback on YOU is what we can give you. It has helped me a lot. More than anything. I'm sorry you are not having the same kind of experience.
