Quote: --------------------------------------------------------------- IS THE ONLY "SOLID" OPTION IN A OW-CYCLE AN ULTIMATUM - or ARE THERE OTHER OPTIONS LBS HAS TO PREVENT WAS/'caker' "FROM GETTING AWAY WITH"(NO CONSEQUENCES) THIS BEHAVIOR ? --------------------------------------------------------------------- There are several possibilities the LBS can use, and the only three options are:
1. Ultimatum, which in the case of MLC won't work unless the MLC'er is READY to give OW up, and is attempting to CAKE-EAT.
2. Going dark without saying a word, but the WAS won't "get it" so a confrontation IN THE CASE OF OW is usually necessary BEFORE going dark.
3. Just tolerating the situation, and going on endlessly for years, allowing the cycle to continue - had to throw that one in-it is the LEAST desireable option, but one that is usually chosen because fear dictates the actions of the LBS.
I, quite honestly, don't see any OTHER ways of handling this type of situation WITHOUT a confrontation of some sort - the LBS has to come to the point of deciding what he/she will and won't tolerate and take action-and that course of action is UP to the individual who is on the receiving end of this.
Again, when you take a course of action, you LET GO of what the consequences may be (spouse goes on and leaves, etc). But understand we are human and there is so much even WE will tolerate before something must be done, and each of our tolerance levels are different-what is totally UNacceptable to one person may be totally Acceptable to another-each one of us are different-those differences must be taken into account
Also found: MCL resources links # 5 & 6 > Great one liners - I & 2 The technique of distancing:
It really is very complex and there is not only ONE way to do it. A lot of people confuse "distancing" with "going dark". They are not the same. When you are detached you are naturally distancing. If you are needy you are pursuing. Going dark is about NOT contacting them at all. Not talking to them at all. Avoiding them. Distancing is being pleasant but busy, Too full of your own life to "notice" what your H is doing or not doing.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
This is concerning CYCLES
